Bat Boy new UAF chancellor

After three weeks of deliberation, the Chancellor Search Committee has decided the best replacement for Marshall Lind—a half-human, half-bat mutant that knows how to fly, sleep upside down, and squeal supersonically. Not to mention that he catches 1,200 insects per hour on a good day.

Police Blotter

Bush Wins Spelling Bee Despite Intelligence Failure

Angering some, but shocking all, President George W. Bush walked away with top honors at an elementary school spelling bee despite the fact that he misspelled a word in the final round.

Canadians- What Are they Really?

Are they like us? Are they with us? Do they have attractive, females that aren't farm animals? Do their police still dress like gay cowboys? These ridiculous questions spurred myself and my associate, Aaron Foote, to explore the great unknowns, and the indescribable mystery of Canada, our forgotten neighbor.

From the desk of the editor

In case you are new to campus, let me introduce you to one of the cherished traditions here at the Sun Star. You are holding in your hands this year's edition of the Fun Star. It is a loving tribute to all those wacky stories and doctored photos found in shopping market tabloids across the country and a celebration of April Fool's Day.

UAF Faculty Salaries based on looks

A new system of calculating salaries has been adopted at the University of Alaska Fairbanks and for many professors, the results aren't pretty.

'Nuck in, Puck out

The UAF Nanooks are saying good-bye to four hockey players who are leaving the ice to pursue another dream—rock'n'roll.

Letter to the editor

I know this is a typical college student's gripe, but for a moment I'd like to complain about the commons, and thank the UAF Police Department. The oatmeal is as runny as soup, the soup and thick as oatmeal, the bacon is congealed, and the ‘scrambled' (read: powdered) eggs look like insulation. The food isn't the complaint here, by all means—it's the service. I asked for scrambled eggs and ham, and was told to help myself to the insulation eggs. I again ask, and then, for no reason, I was being chased around the wood center by a knife-wielding cook!

Parking Services hires RoboCop

Parking violators on campus can expect tickets to be issued with lethal efficiency now that parking services has added RoboCop to their staff.

Professor honored for actually sticking to his syllabus

In a ceremony Sunday, professor Walter Maxwell was honored for doing the seemingly impossible last semester: sticking to his syllabus.

UAF Students Mistaken for Living Dead

Everything seems to be normal.  Lights on, instructor instructing; even the desks reflect a populace of glaring students.  But don't be fooled – it's all a ruse.