Dear Editor,

In recent weeks I have become quite perturbed about the distance I have to walk from Moore Hall to the Gruening building. You see, on this walk I have to face many discouraging problems.

First of all there are a lot of sad faces I must pass on my way to class this causes my frown to remain inevitably inverted upside- down. These bad attitudes wash over me like a wave of pain that strikes the deepest part of my liver and kidneys.

Secondly, the cars that pass have a tendency to play very loud rap music, which no matter how catchy the beat may be, in all reality is quite terrible. How about soldier boy learns to actually write some verses to his songs. Third, due to the fact that it is fall the rotting berries smell like this guy I know, and he smells terribleish. Finally, as I walk to class I notice an abnormal amount of spittle on the sidewalks, left by potheads with bad lungs.

Due to these issues (and more graphic ones I cannot mention), I propose UAF installs moving walkways like the ones you see in airports. Sometimes I have very nasty bunions on my feet, and moving walkways would allow me to sit down clutching my knees against my chest while I rock back and forth ignoring all the terrible things going on around me.

Furthermore, I suggest UAF pays for these moving walkways by selling the ever-popular Yu-Gi-oh cards at the Wood Center. I predict that the massive sales of this o-so-fun card game will raise enough money to pay for the walkways in less than 3 months. Also if this plan fails UAF can start charging students to watch the EXTREMELY ENTERTAINING Amp guard events, which should, in theory, bring in upwards of a thousand students to each main event. Thank you for your time.

-Seth Hawkins