A motion passed by the Faculty Senate during spring break puts UAF one step closer to a rural village by banning alcohol throughout campus.

After the motion was passed, faculty members present advised Chancellor Steve Jones that he should take measures to protect himself in the future. Jones is now in a secluded, classified location on West Ridge.

On Monday, Residence Life announced an unprecedented amount of contract cancellations. Resident Hall Association President D.J. Jennings thinks the dry campus decision is the cause.

"It's so odd," he said. "It's too late in the year to get any amount of money back for the rooms. So far, nearly half of students living on campus have moved out."

Jennings said every member of the faculty and administration also living on campus has also apparently moved out, including the chancellor.

While sales of alcoholic beverages have not risen, apartments within a five-mile distance of campus have nearly doubled in price, due to the severe increase in demand. Both developed and undeveloped properties have also seen a rise in value.

The mass migration has not been the only change on campus in the past two weeks. Police have reported sightings of prominent Mafia figures on campus. When asked why they were spending so much time at UAF, one man who would not disclose his name said, "I see a wonderful business opportunity."

The Public Relations Office says the decision to make UAF a dry campus will effect enrollment in the years to come. A massive campaign is now being developed to draw future students to UAF.

Those in charge of shooting a new promotional video for the university, the people making the video have had numerous delays in production. Every attempt to describe the highlights of UAF have been interrupted by the narrator's pants spontaneously catching on fire.

Meanwhile, the university has quietly begun construction of a fortress for Chancellor Jones and his wife on top of the Gruening Building. The two will be moving into the seventh and eighth floors of Gruening in the next week. The roof will be renovated to include a back up generator, water tower and helicopter pad.

English, education, and sociology professors had worried about where they'd work.

But with the Pub out of business, administration officials said Monday that they would renovate the campus bar into office space.

Due to the high level of conflict caused by the reduced office space of the English, education and sociology departments, a new reality show titled "Inside Thunderdome" is being filmed in the new office spaces.