A permanent ceasefire around the world, much to the thanks of beauty queen Miss Universe, was declared last week. Finally, after thousands of years of war, millions of deaths and seemingly endless fighting, world peace has officially been declared on planet Earth.

Miss Universe, formerly known as Miss U.S.A., formerly known as Miss Texas, has prayed and hoped since her first beauty pageant at the age of six that her one wish, a wish for world peace, would come true. Her selfless courage and zest in the swimsuit competition have charmed pageant judges ever since that day, but no one along the way suspected that this hometown blonde would actually make her own wish of world peace come true.

"After being declared Miss Universe, I thought I should give back to the world that has been so super duper to me!" Miss Universe said. So she went to work baking cookies and collecting used teddy bears and books for disadvantaged children. When that wasn't enough, Miss Universe volunteered at her local soup kitchen and held car washes for world peace.

Her final, successful attempt at world peace came Monday at the Kansas City International Airport.

"I was just sitting there, like, filing my nails, and it hits me," said Miss Universe. "All we need to do is buy President Bush a pony."

It was a long shot, but Miss Universe knew Bush from his days as governor of Texas (she says they had a "thing," but Bush denies it). She talked him into making a short visit to Ponyville, and after Bush picked out a pony and got some cotton candy he announced an end to all U.S. militarism.

"I never guessed it would have happened like this," said a stunned Kate Ripley, a spokesperson for the United Nations. "The approach she used was like nothing we've seen, ever."

First, Ripley said, the U.S. pulled all of its troops out of Iraq and disabled all its nuclear defenses, with other countries following suit. Later that day Bush signed a resolution condemning violence. Then began the active campaign of airlifting thousands of puppies, kitties and pink butterflies to locations around the globe.

"Now that all war is permanently over, I'll be permanently vacationing at my ranch in Crawford," Bush said with a giggle. "Riding my new pony of course."

"It was a beautiful pink pony with ribbons and we even like got it for half price because it was used," Miss Universe said. "Some lady lost it in Alaska, and now Dubya has it."

Deposed Iraqi president Saddam Hussein, whose trial ended last week, not with a guilty verdict as expected, but with an exhilarating game of foosball, which he said he was glad to get back to since that the trial is over.

"Everybody always says me and George are out of touch with reality," Saddam said. "We know what's up with the world, but it had just not occurred to any of us presidents to use hugs and Dr. Seuss to change people's minds instead of guns, bombs and missiles."