50 years from now
From the Polar Sun hologram edition:

Hover boards legalized

Hover boards were finally legalized on campus, much to the enjoyment of boarders whose run-ins with police drones have caused trillions of dollars in damages to campus buildings.

"We ride for fun, not as a political statement or anything like that," said Draper Satyl. "People don't realize that we're just like them."

Police drones across campus have been reprogrammed, said Interim Police Chief Sean McGee, and high-speed pursuits should become a thing of the past.

"These kids gotta realize," McGee said, "We've been around for a while, we've seen plenty of punk kids eat pavement. We're tired of that."

Tricks, like jumping stairs and sliding rails, are still not allowed, but the police have a solution for that.

"We're performing full adrenal lobotomies, free of charge," McGee said. "Come on by the police department for a real attitude readjustment."

25 years from now
From the Sun Star:

UAF moved to Pennsylvania

In honor of former UAF Chancellor Steve Jones, the current chancellor, Terin Walton-Rantz-Smith-Weinberg announced that the entire campus would be moving southeast to Pennsylvania.

"Jones always used to say that UAF would 'wilt and die' if it were in the Lower 48. We ran some numbers and found out it would actually be 17-percent cheaper to airlift the entire campus to Penn State and operate there as usual," Walton-Rantz-Smith-Weinberg said.

Funding for the move has been made possible largely by record oil and gas sales that netted Alaska over $700 trillion last year. Like most people that make a killing in the oil business, UAF is getting the heck out of Alaska.

When asked if the university would keep "Alaska" in its name, Walton-Rantz-Smith-Weinberg said, "Oh yeah, totally!"

"We're still the University of Alaska Fairbanks," she said. "We're just moving a couple thousand miles away, that's all."