The crucial move that solidified Cheney's membership, according to police, was his shooting of Austin, Texas lawyer Harry Whittington, or "Lil' H", as he is known to fellow Republican gang-members. "If a G wants to join the K-Street crew, he's got to cap a friend'a his that ain't in with the gang," explained Jack "tha Rippa" Abramov, a K-Street member who is under police protection after deciding to talk in exchange for a lighter sentence. "Lil' H. was begging for it by always talking trash about how oilmen was bigger pimps that lobbyists. He thought that he was tight with Wac, but then, BLAM!"

Abramov said that after the shooting Cheney and the three women who were present at the scene "ganged" on Whittington, who was incapacitated by the shotgun blast.

President Bush, also a member of the Crips, who call him "Loc-Dub," addressed the incident at a press conference last week. Bush appeared in a black "Stop Snitchin'" T-shirt.

"Lil' H is from a neighborhood where the peeps are tight with our crew, and he know if he go to the po-po with this story, he facing the ultimate beatdown when he get home," Bush said.

Cheney appeared at his press conference shirtless, displaying two fresh tattoos (the word "STRAUSS" in bold gothic letters across his abdomen, and a portrait of Stan "Tookie" Williams on his left shoulder). The blue bandana on Cheney's head was embroidered with the name of his rap group, the Draf' Dodggas, which also counts as members Bush and former House majority leader Tom "Tha Hammer" DeLay.

DeLay was missing on the Draf' Dodggas most recent album, Impeachable Offendaz, after he was wounded in an altercation at a barbeque on the White House lawn. Hammer was unavailable for comment, but according to Abramov the incident sprang from a misunderstanding with Cheney's Secret Service guards. "It's customary to ‘jump-in' new members of the gang, just rough them up a little, and that's what the crew had planned for Wac Ticka C," Abramov said. "We were going to take it easy on Wac, too, because, you know, he's got a bad heart, plus, none of us are much for roughhousing."

When the gang members began to shove Cheney, his security detail jumped in, said Abramov, and began to rain blows on the heads of the gang members. DeLay was especially targeted because of the contempt the bodyguards had for his pink parachute pants and his failure to adapt to the popularity of a hard gangsta image.

Democrats in Washington were incensed at the news of Cheney's signing on with the Crips. New York Senator Hillary Clinton was dismissive of the crew. "They don't know about real thug life," said Clinton. "We be droppin bombs like Truman and smokin' blunts like they's Cubans, you know what I'm sayin'?!"