Ladies and gentlemen, can I have everyone's attention? I have an important announcement: Classes are done. The only thing between the end of this semester and the start of winter break is a little thing called finals week.

If some of your classes don't have finals, good for you, you lucked out. If none of your classes have finals, congratulations. You are part of the elite slacker group, those few that know how to pick courses. For all the rest of you wannabe slackers, here is a cheat sheet that'll put you ahead of the next guy when it comes to the exam.

First off, it's important to be as ready as possible going into the final. This doesn't necessarily mean studying like a deranged psycho the night before. Rather, do the subtle things that make it easier. Don't drink until your last final is done and turned in. And while you might think you're a lot smarter and have a deeper understanding of a subject when you're stoned, don't show up to a final toasted. A common mistake is to think that as soon as one final is done, it's party time. That is what the weekend is for, a time to relax and forget all the tests you've just aced thanks in large part to this list.

Interruptions can sometimes be a very fortunate aspect to living in the dorm, but not during finals week. Locking yourself in your room is a step in the right direction, but it may not be enough. There are still plenty of distractions in a dorm that can occupy your mind for hours. The library has a study area open 24 hours a day, making roommate distraction a thing of the past.

If you find yourself picking up a book to study and immediately turning on the T.V. instead don't fret. Use this as a break to get some outside motivation. Watch an inspirational movie to get pumped up for studying. For the serious students, stick with Dead Poets Society. For the humorous, try out Van Wilder, Legally Blond, or the always-classy Animal House. If you only have time to watch one of these before having to study, let the others play while you're studying. Put the T.V. on mute or at least turn the volume down.

There is a trick in Billy Madison that is a surefire way to get a better grade, or in the very least, get you some booty. Find the super hot, yet surprisingly smart chick that's in your class (don't worry there's usually at least one in every class) and get her to help you out by doing a late night strip tease/quiz session. The more answers you get right, the more clothes she has to take off, and unfortunately for the answers you get wrong she puts on clothes.

If your class doesn't have a hot chick or someone already took her, use the fall back plan. Find someone who's been to every class and get them to trade notes or study help for whatever you can. If you are an underwater basket weaver, teach this scholarly student the niceties of your trade. If they are unwilling to give up their notes for your photocopying pleasure, arrange a study group with them. Be sure to emphasize that the best way to truly learn a subject is to teach it, and teaching it to you would solidify all the relevant information (especially if you happen to be a dumbass).

You've probably noticed a student in one of your classes who looked out of place and maybe even taught some of the lectures. This is the teaching assistant. Find them. TA's usually hold study jams the day before the final and have copies of the test from previous years. They may even have much-needed insider information about the test. Be sure to go to this study jam and figure out all you possibly can about the test.

Flash cards may be the most boring way to study, but many upperclassmen swear by them. Keep them in your pocket and whenever you have a free moment quiz yourself. Do it aloud and in public places and get awkwardly angry when you get one wrong. Not only does this instill the info, it's hilarious to watch others' reactions.

Two words: cof fee. Put them together and you get the single greatest study aid since topless tutors. Many upperclassmen wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for this elixir of magic. If coffee isn't enough, methamphetamines have been keeping addicts awake for months at a time. Depending on your schedule, choose your poisons accordingly.

As a last effort tell the teacher a sob family story that'll get you out of taking the test. Be careful though, this sword is double-edged. If you tell the same professor your great aunt Tilda died three times in the same semester, they may stop being so forgiving. It's important to remember what is told to whom so you don't repeat any stories. You want to do this while at the same time not leaving a paper trail that can be easily followed.

When taking the test, some questions may seem to be written in another language. If this is the case for all the questions, make sure you're in the right class and not taking a Spanish test. If it does turn out to be your class and you still have no idea what to put, be sure to write something. It doesn't matter if it's a completely wrong guess. Any misguided attempt is much better than nothing at all. Hell, writing the lyrics to your favorite Tenacious D song is better than turning in a blank test.

In closing, I'd like to say good luck and good studying. If you're as much of a slacker as I am, you're going to need it.