A few weeks ago the Sun Star asked students what they thought the 10 percent tuition increase should be used for.

We got all sorts of different answers: more teachers, better technology, increased access to student services, the typical complaints you always hear. 

No one - not a single person - said they wanted their money to be spent on a giant blob of butter carved into the shape of a fish.

That really shouldn't surprise anyone.

And yet this is exactly what the university is using its money for.  Our money.  The money that is supposed to be paying for our education.

What am I talking about?

Last week Gov. Murkowski visited Fairbanks.  He toured the campus, got his butt kissed by Pres. Hamilton and Chancellor Jones, and gave speeches about what he considers to be the role of the university.

He was also the guest of honor at an elaborate luncheon hosted by the university.

I was surprised to receive an invitation to the gala event.  There I was rubbing shoulders with (well, actually, it was more like being jostled around by) mayors, commissioners, deputies, deputy commissioners, deans, directors, presidents, and the press. 

And we ate like kings; the best food I have ever had on this campus.

We had salad, and sauteed zucchini, delicious rice pilaf, dilled halibut, blackened pork tenderloin, pudding pastry cups with exotic fruits, piles of fudge brownies, and garlic bread to die for (Pres. Hamilton snatched a few extra for the road on his way out).

In the center of this opulent buffet stood a gigantic fished carved entirely out of butter.

I'm not joking.

It was so gaudy; it was everything I could do to keep from laughing out loud.

This is what our money is spent on.  I mean, besides the cost of the actual butter (far more than was needed for the 90 or so people there) there was the expense of hiring the specially trained dairy-case artisans who handcrafted the work. 

Why was this deemed necessary? 

I know the chancellor is fond of saying you have to spend money to make money, but what were they trying to prove here?  Were they hoping that the governor would be so impressed by their piscine confection that he would hand out all the money they so desperately need?  Or did dining services just happen to have a large pile of money and a larger pile of butter lying around?

  Whatever the reason, there it sat, slowly melting while rich men smoozed over rich food plotting ways to get richer.  By the end of lunch, the fish's tail had broken under its own weight - a grotesque homage to the university's "budget crisis."

Comment on this story...