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October 5, 2004

 

Editorial: A Beer Review?

I've got to tell you something:

I don't drink.  I have never even had a drop of alcohol.

Well, okay, that's not true.  On my honeymoon I ordered a "mock-tail" and they gave me an actual cocktail.  I took one sip and thought I was going to throw up.

Alcohol just isn't in my blood (no pun intended).

 Given that, some of you—especially my mother—may be surprised to see in the pages of this issue a beer review.  "How," you may ask, "can someone who doesn't drink—never has, never will—and actually thinks that alcohol is extremely bad for both your personal and society's health, publish an article touting ambrosial ale and bitter brews?"

The story's pretty funny (well I think it's funny and since this is my editorial, I get to say whatever I want).

We get a lot of junk mail here at the paper.  Everyday I have to wade through endless press releases, Office Max catalogues, solicitations from various news selling organizations, and letters to the editor from people who probably don't even know where Fairbanks is.

Among the pile is occasionally a letter or a flyer or a product sampler addressed to the "Beer Editor." 

We don't have a Beer Editor.  As far as I know we never have. 

I always thought it would be funny to give someone the position of Beer Editor just so I could pawn off all the Beer Editor junk mail to them (sort of like how my parents gave me all the mail addressed to "Resident").

Enter Richard Kozinski.

He's always hanging around the office, running around and generally causing havoc.  I had found my pawn—um, uh, I mean my Beer Editor.

My junk mail was gone, Richard was happy; I thought that was the end of it.

I had no idea he was actually going to take his position seriously.  That wasn't part of my plan.

When Richard suggested a Beer column, first I laughed, then I checked to see if there was alcohol on his breath (there was), then I thought "no way!"

But I'm not naive.  Students drink.  Alcohol is a part of our culture.  We have a pub on campus.  Case Day is bigger than Christmas.

On the other hand, I'm not naive.  Students drink.  Underage students.  Too much.  For the wrong reasons.  The police blotter is filled with alcohol-induced stupidity and worse.

So if you're over 21, enjoy you're drink of choice—be it water or whiskey.  If you're under 21, don't!

And please, drink responsibly!  Don't overdo it.  Don't let the alcohol take control.  Be the adults you claim to be.

And above all, DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE.  We can't afford to loose any readers.

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