Directed by Todd Phillips

Written by John O'Brien, Todd Phillips, Scot Armstrong

Starring: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Snoop Dogg, Vince Vaughn, Amy Smart, Carmen Electra

Rated: PG-13 (Drug Content, Sexual Situations, Partial Nudity, Language and Some Violence)

Length: 101 Minutes

In a word: Moronic

 The original David Starksy and Ken "Hutch" Hutchinson would be spinning in their graves, that is if they weren't still alive and had lucrative cameos in this new film version of their hit ‘70s TV show.

The new "Starksy & Hutch" is boring, contrived, gratuitously offensive, slow-paced, and well, just plain stupid (although it does boast an exact replica of that really awesome car!). 

Writer/Director Todd Phillips (the "brains" behind such infamous film favorites as "Road Trip" and "Old School") has once again proven that he does not understand humor at all.  Even gross-out humor requires finesse, timing, and a little bit of substance.  Instead Phillips throws ludicrous, unrelated scenarios at his audience hoping something makes them laugh. 

That just doesn't work; comedy is art, not chance.

A remake of the popular television series, "Starksy & Hutch" follows the pair of gun-toting, fast-talking, undercover cops (Stiller and Owen, one's Starksy, one's Hutch, it doesn't really matter which is which) as they pursue an urban drug lord about to make the deal of the century.

The movie, though, has a major identity crisis: is it a loving homage to the original or a scathing parody?  It tries to be both, and it can't do either very well.  It is at once serious and violent, yet disgusting and campy.  Even our two heroes keep flip-flopping between being top-notch crime fighters, and bumbling keystone cops with little or no self-respect. 

I guess they just couldn't make up their minds.

The movie can't even decide what decade it's in.  Besides a few jokes involving outrageously out-of-date technology, and a single scene of disco madness, the ‘70s look a lot like now—complete with the new $100 bills (first minted in the late 1990s), genetically modified cocaine, and several other anachronisms.

I'm sad to report that not even the dynamic duo of Wilson and Stiller managed to make this movie worthwhile.  In keeping up with the rest of the movie they weren't funny at all; their talents were sucked into Phillips' black hole.  I was amazed, however, to see how seriously they seemed to be taking the whole thing—almost as if they expected us to take it seriously as well.

There was one glimmer of comedic light in the midst of this barren wasteland: Snoop Dogg.  The former crips member was refreshing as the unfortunately named, pimp-daddy informant, Huggy Bear.  His laidback persona and throwaway comedic style was a nice repose from everybody else's uncomfortably-over-the-top performances.

But even that wasn't enough to save this sinking ship.

In a recent USA Today interview, Paul Glasser, the original Starksy, bemoaned the fact that all anybody ever remembered was the striped tomato-red Ford Gran Torino.

Sorry Paul, the car stole the show again.

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