Permafrost Vol. 28:

Interview
   R.T. Smith

*
   Simon Perchik

~The Untamed
~Ghost Errancy
      Walter Bargen

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
   B.J. Best

The Caballo Ranch Bar, Ten Years After
   Jeffrey Alfier

Cletus Loves Donatella
   Tracy DeBrincat

Leak
   Jim Daniels

The Ranch Wife Practices Shooting
   Robert Cooperman

Make Yourself Small
   Michelle Brooks

Calling
   Emily Wall

Injury
   Lightsey Darst

MacKenzie River
   Robert Arthur Reeves

Second Memory
   Chella Courington

Practicing on Hardness
   Kathleen Hellen

In the Country of Wind
   Christian Knoeller

Ice Storm
   Jacqueline Markowski

A Quick Job, with Vague Directions, at the End of the Day
   Stefanie Freele

“The Pig! The Pig!”
   Lyn Stefenhagens

The Terrorist
   Alan Harawitz

Dog Days
   Robert Tremmel

Wild Plum Trees
   Richard Brostoff

Almoug
   Yictove

Cairn
   Shane Seely

The Graduate
   Krikor N. Der Hohannesian

At the Wall
   Liza Porter

Fiction
Lung Girl
   Stephanie Dickinson

Up the Down Way
Kevin Brown

This Bag Is Not a Toy
   Jessica Smith

The Swallower
   Christine Grimes

The Green Monster
   Stephan Clark

The Story of a Dead Man
   Mark Brazaitis

Permafrost Vol. 27:

The Unified Theory of Death
Judson Simmons

When I stand in my closet,
all I can think is: I could hang
a couple more shirts and khakis

or myself in here.

Street Music
Kevin Pilkington

I’m on the street
where a guy once walked
up next to me and asked
for my wallet. I looked
at him then down at
the knife he was holding
and the point he was
trying to make. I
was convinced and handed
it over. The year before
crime had come down
with the old tenements
and new buildings went
up faster than rents.
I watched him run across
town with what was left
of the old neighborhood
in his coat pocket.

The entire area is safer
now but more expensive.
The shops along Third
were torn down. Most
came back as French
or Italian boutiques, some
never came back or
were lost in the translation.
Across the street the tallest
building yet is under
construction; at the end
of the day workers come down
covered in white dust
from rubbing against clouds.
It’s going up on the spot
where the magazine store
stood. Its owner ran it
for sixty years and had more
stories in him than the high-rise
ever will.

Some things in the area
aren’t what they seem.
Two years ago the section
of the river that runs
along the north side started
to jog and its banks
filled with concrete slabs
now close on national holidays.
Although the traffic on First
is still heavy, cars
keep changing. What
stays the same and never
changes is the music
found in women walking
in heels that are so high
you need an elevator
just to reach their ankles.
Listen and you’ll hear
their hips sway back
and forth with the kind
of songs you’ll swallow
and never want to hum.

How to Be a Man
Cole Haddon

Tonight’s the big night.
Fifteen years old and tonight you’ll finally take that proverbial step into manhood your friends are always talking about. They’ve all done it too, of course. You’re the only one left who hasn’t. Dean did it with some girl while on vacation in Florida; Henry said he did it with a girl in sixth grade, before he came to your school; and Tommy says April Teethers let him do it to her after Homecoming. You’re the only one left who hasn’t done it. But not after tonight. Tonight, you’ll finally be a man.

First, don’t be nervous. It’s easy, right? You’ve seen pictures and once, at Henry’s, you watched some of his dad’s dirty movies: getting started, you use your mouth on her, then she does the same to you, and then you climb on top. In you go, easy as one, two, three. Maybe, if you’re any good at it, she’ll let you do it to her from behind. The girls in the movies always seem to like that. Don’t worry. It’s easy.

Second, you’ve got to smell nice. Take a shower. Use fancy soaps. Wash your hair twice. Maybe even conditioner. Deodorant too. And your dad’s cologne, the good stuff, the expensive stuff, but don’t let him catch you. Also, there was that article you read, about how certain smells can evoke sexual thoughts in girls. Don’t worry about what you smell like just because of this, as long as you smell nice. Smelling nice will be enough.

Third, pick something to wear, something that’ll make her want to let you do it to her. Look cool. Look like a man. Why not, right? You’re going to be one soon. Pick the trendy jeans, the ones she said look good on you; pick the shirt she bought you for your birthday; remember to wear an undershirt because you sweat when you get worked up. Doing it definitely looks like it’ll get you worked up, so don’t forget the undershirt.

Last on the list, buy the condoms. Condoms are muy importante. This cannot be stressed enough. You do not do not! want to get her pregnant. Your mom and dad will kill you. Go to the pharmacy down the street. Buy the Trojans because Dean said they’re the best. Maybe you should even practice putting one on in the bathroom. Yes, it’s supposed to be tight, it’s supposed to be kind of sticky, and, yes, it’s supposed to smell like eraser shavings. You’re right to wonder how you’ll even feel anything with it on, because you won’t.

But it’s necessary, it is. With this in mind, maybe you should practice a little more than just putting it on, to get used to how it feels. When the latex gets dry and tacky, roll it off and get rid of it where no one will find it. Wash the smell from your hands and go back to getting ready. And don’t worry, it’s all downhill from here.

Pick her up, take her to the movies, listen to what she’s saying, try to pay attention despite the perpetual hard-on you’ve got. Avoid walking around with that thing standing up in your pants. Think of other things. Think about your mom and dad doing it. That’ll make it go away. But, most importantly, remember to let her know you love her. She’ll want to hear this, a lot. Girls are like that, all mushy and lovey-dovey.

She’ll tell you she’s nervous, so be nice, be understanding; try to imagine the perfect guy, and be him. Say you two don’t have to do it, it was her idea after all. You’re fine just making out and using your hands like you’ve been doing. This was her idea after all. Give her a minute. She’ll come around. When she does, drive to the hotel where Henry’s older brother rented a room for you, but don’t go to the front desk. They don’t let underage kids rent rooms. You might be becoming a man tonight, but you aren’t one yet. The fat counter jockey won’t understand.

Kiss first, kiss for a while, and remember the I love yous. Don’t be too aggressive; be cool, be smooth; try to be everything Dean and Henry and Tommy are. They’re men, so be like them. Be cool. Be smooth. Be gentle with her dress. She’s young and nervous and won’t know how to take off your pants, so do that yourself too. Don’t take it out yet. You don’t want to scare her. Kiss her neck, kiss her collarbone, kiss the part of her breast not hidden by her bra; pop her nipple out from behind the lace and nibble on it; don’t bite, girls don’t like that.

Kiss her stomach, kiss her thighs, kiss her lacy underpants. Ignore the pubic hair sticking out of the lacy edges. Sure, she isn’t shaved like the girls in the movies, but you’re not doing it to one of the girls in the movies, unfortunately. You’re only doing it to her. Ignore the way she squirms when you slide her underwear off too. She’s nervous, and it’s better just to get going with it now so she doesn’t want to stop. Once you start, she’ll like it too much to stop. Use your tongue now, like they do in the movies. She might cry, but that’s okay; Dean says they sometimes cry the first time. Try not to let the hair distract you. It can be distracting. Explore her with your finger, your index, like you’ve been doing, and tell her it’s okay, it’s okay. Whatever you do now, keep going. It feels good, right? The inside of her? Keep going. Search for that special spot, the one inside her, the one that’ll really get her going, that will make her scream and beg for more like they do in the movies. If you can’t find it, give up. It’s not that important anyways.

Tell her, her turn now. She’ll be nervous. She’s going to be nervous all night. Don’t let her off easy. You just had all that hair in your mouth all for her. It’s her turn now. Help her down there. Take it out. Be patient. She’ll need to work up the nerve. Lick. Another lick. But if she doesn’t do anymore than lick, you’ll need to tell her what to do, about how they do it in the movies. Tell her she has to look at your face when she’s doing it; that’s how it’s supposed to be done. When she says she can’t, it’s just too gross, don’t be upset, don’t yell at her like you want to. Just tell her okay, okay, be that way, but don’t yell. Do. Not. Yell. You still want to do it to her and, if you yell, she might not let you.

Kiss her. Kiss her some more. Tell her you love her, tell her how much you love her, tell her you want to marry her even if you don’t really want to. Find the condoms. Roll one on. Then weasel your way on top of her body, press against her and kiss her, then try to find your way inside her. Not easy is it? Not like in the movies, huh? Lean back, take a look, try to figure it out. It’s not a foreign language. It’s not hard. And neither are you anymore. You’re nervous. She’s nervous. But you’ve got the condom on. You can’t feel anything. She asks you if it’s okay if you two just don’t do it. It doesn’t feel right. But it did to you, still does, and as soon as you touch yourself it’s back. Tell her it feels right to you, that you want to do it, that this was her idea anyway, and try to get inside her again. If she moves, hold her hips still. If she cries, don’t worry; Dean says they sometimes cry the first time. Just get inside her. There you go. Good job. You’re almost there. Almost a man. Hold her tight, tell her you love her, ignore her tears. If she asks you to stop, don’t. You’ve already started. It’s not fair for her to want you to stop now. You’ve already started.

How does it feel?